And so it goes that I did not keep up the blog while Ben was in Germany.  As it turned out, we were able to skype more than I expected, and the need I felt for unloading my thoughts at the end of the day was overridden by my need for a bed and sleep.  But I was drawn back here tonight because I wanted to record exactly what I'm thinking right now, so I can remember.

Today was a unsuccessful day if you measure it by any barometer I normally use.  The dishwasher never got unloaded, that load of laundry is still in the washing machine, and the living room is littered with toys.  I never cooked an actual meal but just assembled food from different pantry and fridge items.  After my shower a very grumpy Adam woke up early from his nap and so my hair air dried without any brushing and I swept it into a messy ponytail.  I'm wearing running shorts and no makeup.

But today, oh today.

It was a rare 78 degree day in South Mississippi.  The sky was that deep alluring blue that belongs only to the month of October and the sun was bright and casting lovely shadows everywhere.  On such a day there was nowhere to go but out, and so out we went.  What choice did we have?  I have no idea how we passed an entire afternoon so quickly. We rode bikes, bounced the baby, gathered rocks, watched ants, and pulled weeds.  Adam is a master weed gatherer and if YOU try to place the weed in the blue bucket instead of handing it to HIM to do so, YOU WILL PAY.  At one point I glanced up to locate him for weed removal  and saw him running towards me, blue bucket hung on one arm, the wind blowing his blonde-brown hair, big eyes lit up and sparkling, and that famous, heart melting signature smile of his stretched across his face. He took my breath away.  I knew as long as I lived I would never forget how he looked in that moment.  Baby brother Will laughed and kicked from the porch, giggling those especially special very tickled giggles only his big brother can elicit from him, though the rest of us have tried in vain.

Think of what I would have missed if I'd stayed in to do laundry.

The evening culminated in a trip to the playground with Dad before he went in for the night shift.  We climbed on swings and swung so high we (almost) touched the stars.  Later when we came in Adam collapsed limp on the couch, his seemingly endless energy gone.  After bath I tucked his lavender scented body into bed, sang him his songs (he was too tired for books), and kissed him goodnight. As I paused at the door he called out "I wuv you Mommy".

This part of the post should contain perfectly Instagrammed and filtered photos of the afternoon, proof of the perfection of our day and my children.  But, just before we walked outside I went to get my phone...and left it.  I resolved not to worry about pictures that day, but instead to just be present in the lives of my children.  So those images will live in my memory, belonging only to my mother's heart.

And as far as my day being unsuccessful, well, it may be time for me to redefine success.  These boys are growing fast, and I can't afford to waste any more moments swapping living for laundry.


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