Wednesday, December 7, 2011

iPhone Blogger

Whoa! I just installed the iPhone blogger app, & here I am typing away on my phone. This probably means 2 things. 1- I may actually blog more and 2- my blog is probably going to be nothing but instagram photos from now on. Fun right?

Monday, October 10, 2011

How Do You Feed a Toddler?

As Adam begins his adventures with finger foods and we move closer to the one year mark and sharing meals as a family, I'm beginning to wonder what-in-the-heck I am going to cook. Almost everything, and I mean EVERYTHING I cook for Ben & I is spicy. I know people say that if you give kids spicy food they'll adapt, and I'm sure that's true. But, until Adam's language skills develop to the point he can tell me his tongue is burning I just don't think it's a good idea. Plus, finger food + touching eyes = owww.

So, who has recipes to share with me that your husband and kids like? Please and thank you!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Our Song

There is a song I sing to Adam. I've sung it to him since he was a newborn. When nothing, and I mean NOTHING else can calm him, this will. I've sung it in the wee hours in the morning, over and over again on long car rides, and through teething and constipation. I've tried to mix up our playlist and substitute other songs when he's upset, but he will not have it. Few things make me feel more maternal than when my seemingly inconsolable boy immediately stops crying when I begin to sing this song. He knows it's ours, all ours and it means mommy is close by and everything will be okay. And I love that. I know it seems like just a simple tune, but to me it represents the bond between my son and I, and many personal motherhood triumphs. It is a reminder of all those moments that I would not accept defeat, but instead dug into the depths of my soul to find exactly what my son needed from me, then I gave it.

To you, it may be just a song from Mary Poppins. To me, it represents the molding and growing of Adam's mother, formed just for him.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Reunited

Adam & I rolled into Biloxi early this afternoon after spending 12 days away. We had a wonderful time during what my mother called our "Triangle Tour" from Biloxi, MS->Columbus, GA->Suwanee, GA->Panama City, FL->Biloxi. A couple of hours later, Ben arrived. His schedule turned out to be a 9-day-on, 3-day-off rotation, and his first day off fell today. Of course, "day off" meant completing the night shift around 11:30 a.m. today, after which he got in the car and drove 3 hours home. I was less than thrilled with that decision, but Ben wanted to see his family so what could I do? He & Adam had a rapturous reunion and he was in bed by 6 p.m. after about 24 hours of being awake.

Pictures & stories to come, but for now I'm going to go do something I've dreamed about for the past 12 days...crawl into bed with my husband.

Sweet dreams!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Just the Two of Us

Why yes,I did put on entirely too much under-eye makeup, thank you for asking.

Ben left today for his first TDY. He'll be gone for the month of September to Jackson working in the ICU of the University of Mississippi Medical Center. Jackson is only about 3 hours north of here, so we're planning a trip to see him in a couple of weeks as well as really hoping that he might be able to make a quick trip back here if his schedule allows. But heck, I hate seeing that guy go! The first couple of hours after he leaves are the worst. There's a palpable emptiness around me. Then I brush it off and settle into my life-without-Ben routine. I've done the month away thing plenty of times, but this is the first time I've done it with a baby at home. I hate that Ben & Adam are going to be separated that long, it just breaks my heart. With Ben's schedule I'm used to doing the parent thing alone, most days he leaves before Adam wakes up and is home after he goes to sleep, but I normally get at least one day a week where I get to share parenting duties with someone. I'm tired just thinking about it. I do have a game plan to get me through the next few weeks:

1. Trip back to Georgia to visit family & weekend beach trip.
2. Trip to Jackson to see Daddy. Excited to visit after finishing The Help, which was set in Jackson.
3. Watch the BBC 5 hour version of Pride & Prejudice borrowed from my friend Casey.
4. Watch Mad Men on Netflix
5. Finally make my window mistreatments and hang them. Oh wait, does anyone want to help me hang some curtain rods? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on?
6. Lots of playgroups.
7. Painting some furniture.
8. Painting some things with chalkboard paint. What things? I don't know, anything is game.
9. Adam's 1st birthday party plans.
10. Enjoying the fact that we are kicking the 2nd worst month of the year, August*, to the curb and getting one month closer the the best month of the year, October.
11. Getting ready for Fall.
12. Pinterest, I'm pretty sure Pinterest will somehow be involved.

Look out September, I OWN you.

*Official WORST month of the year is March. Yuck March. You stink.

**After drafting this post I got a call from Ben. While checking into his hotel he received an email with his work schedule. He starts Sunday, not tomorrow. Which means we missed out on FOUR WHOLE relaxing days together. Do you know how rare four days are in Intern Time?! Weelll Shoot.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Fleeting Beauty


These days when I hold Adam I feel a difference. Those unmistakable signs that his body is transforming from baby to boy are hard to ignore. His limbs are long, his actions are sure, he moves with intent. His eyes are focused and understanding. I even recognize the first glints of a sense of humor. He never wants to lay on my chest or snuggle in my arms. Whenever I try to hold him he struggles, wriggles, and efficiently arches his back and slides easily off my lap. He wants to be free to travel, explore, chase, and giggle. Most of the time as I watch the adventurous spirit practically bursting from the body of this wonderfully mischievous little boy I feel pure joy. Along with that, however, comes the assurance that this time is fleeting, and that the Adam I knew just yesterday will be different tomorrow. During this season of my life I've come to understand a phrase I read years ago:

"the exquisite pain of fleeting beauty"

The right now is beautiful, but with the passing of one more moment, gone forever. And with that knowledge comes pain. I'm here desperately drinking in Adam's present before it becomes his past. The saving grace is that for everything we leave behind, there is more wonderful waiting for us. The future has yet to disappoint, and some days as I watch my baby become my boy, that thought is my only solace.

Baby in a Box

No pictures of Adam on the blog in 3 months?! That's a problem that needs to be fixed. Immediately. So here he is, in a box!


I will use any tool in my arsenal to contain him for even a few seconds. He is a crawling terror that can destroy my house in mere moments. He pulls up on anything & everything and clears off the coffee table & end tables. I can't find the remote control half the time. He can climb up four whole stairs and hold onto the couch and side step its entire length. He's bumped his head on our coffee table more times than I can count. I don't even get up anymore when he does it. I think this box moment happened at a desperate time one afternoon when I just needed him to STAY STILL. Plus, I mean, come on, really cute, right?


In other news, a husband on call on a Sunday + a baby napping equals massive amounts of time spent on Pinterest. It was ugly. I think I need an intervention.

Have a great week!


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sister Wife


Please allow me to introduce our newest family member, my new sister wife!




"This is Dr. G, I was paged"

"This is Dr. G, I was paged"

For obvious reasons, I call her Paige.

So am I jealous of the shiny, demanding new wife you ask? Well, she does occupy a lot more of my husband's time than I do, it's true. However, sister pays the bills around here, so I keep my mouth shut! The new girl earns her keep!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Accidental Golfer

Ben: I'm going golfing tomorrow at 3pm.

Me: WHAT?!?! YOU'RE GOING GOLFING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON ON A TUESDAY?! YOU WORK DAY & NIGHT & ADAM & I NEVER EVER EVER SEE YOU AND YOU HAVE A FREE AFTERNOON AND YOU'RE USING IT TO GOLF?! YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE GOLFING, YOU'VE ONLY BEEN ONCE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. WHO, PRAY TELL, ARE YOU GOING GOLFING WITH?!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ben: The program director.

Me: {Silent Pause} So, golfing tomorrow you say? Lovely. Have fun Darling!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Welcome!

Welcome to my new bloggity blog! I'm glad to see you here! Update your blog records, the old blog will be completely deleted soon.

Privitization

So, not that I ever ever blog anymore, but I have big plans for doing so again someday. Anyway, I'm thinking I might need to go private because the daughter of one of Ben's patients was Googling him the other day and ended up pulling up our blog. No harm done, they didn't even realize it was a blog but thought they found a news article on when Ben went to D.C. I think they also enjoyed the little descriptions of our family. Ben himself didn't even realize what they had found until he came home & told me and I immediately knew it was our blog.


So many people are looking up their doctors online now (I know I have), so if one patient found the blog that means others will as well. In order to maintain the separation between Ben's personal and professional life I think I need to remove this from public viewing. I really hate to do that because I've "met" and interacted with so many wonderful people through this blog, but I think in order to maintain the proper boundaries of the doctor/patient relationship it's going to be necessary. The other option is to redo the blog with alias names, but that seems like an awful lot of work and one I'm not sure I could keep up. Going private could have some advantages, I would probably be a little more open knowing it was only approved friends & family viewing my posts.


Advice? Opinions?




Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Home Sweet Home


Breakfast on the seashore Sunday morning.

We are now officially Mississippi residents! Moving has had it's ups and downs (and downs) but we're moving on and focusing on the positive. I will try to chronicle our adventures of the last week, because I think they are something I'll want to remember. The military community is wonderful and from the moment I stepped on base I've been embraced and taken care of. We received our base house on Friday, yay! And it's huge! Yay! But our household items can't be delivered until June 9, a week from Thursday, boo! So, we're grinding it out here in our temporary living facility. I love my husband and son oh so much, but if the three of us share this tiny space much longer I'm going to explode into a million pieces. We visit our house often so we can BREATHE and are planning to get some painting and landscaping done before our things arrive. I love the area, love the base, love the people, and I think we're going to be very happy here.

Playing in our temporary house.

P.S. It's HOT down here y'all!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Quotable Quotes

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Statistics 101

Okay, I can't hold it in any longer, controversy be darned. I need to address something that annoys me GREATLY. One of my biggest pet peeves with the public in general, but the mommy blogosphere in particular, is the inability to understand or interpret statistics, especially in an academic setting. You know what I'm talking about, you look up an issue from this expert or that, and you are inundated with citations from so-called "scientific studies". The fact that high schools, colleges, and graduate programs are failing to teach our students such a fundamental skill is deeply troubling. In some cases an author will cite a scientific study as evidence, which instead turns out to only be the results of a customer satisfaction survey. Even worse, numerous, NUMEROUS, books and articles I've read contain statements such as "recent scientific studies show", but never tell you anything about the studies or even give citations of where to find them (the book, YOU: Having a Baby was quite guilty of this). Can we be sure then that these studies are credible? No, we certainly cannot. Certain issues are filled with such passion and conviction that a well-meaning author may be tempted to misrepresent the presence of data in order to prove his or her point. They do not really believe they are misleading you, they are just Machiavellian in their efforts. In an attempt to combat this growing, maddening trend, I present to you my version of Stat 101. Please know this is not intended to be an in-depth discussion of p value or the two-tailed Tukey, just a very basic primer on how to approach research.


1. The study should be published in a peer-reviewed journal. Now, just because it is published in such a journal does not mean it is automatically credible, but this is a basic requirement. If it is not peer-reviewed, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Many popular articles out there will cite personal experiences or anecdotal evidence and call them scientific studies. While these may be considered with some interest, they should not be central in your decision-making process.

2. Look for bias. What do those performing or funding the study have to gain from the results? If the National Association for Golden Retrievers publishes a study claiming Golden Retrievers are the best possible pet for your family, is there a way they could benefit from these findings? Also, as much as researchers may strive to be impartial, bias always exists to some point. A good investigator will try to reduce this as much as possible, but being biased is part of being human, no matter how hard we may try. Many researchers will declare their conflicts of interest up front. This transparency is an important first step in maintaining good research standards.

3. A single study does not a case make. If a study is published that contradicts a long history of other findings, it is not going to have as much weight as the previous studies. Research is as much an art as a science, and it takes multiple, well-executed studies to attempt to prove a phenomenon. This is not to discredit new findings completely, but it will take a while before other studies are conducted to test a new hypothesis. This same principle applies to case studies. Case studies are intended to make an observation to others in the same field, but not necessarily constitute new data in the field.

3. As a general rule, the media (news, blogs, magazines, radio, etc) does not know how to interpret data. Period. You know how it goes, a new study is released and the media runs with the results. They have a talent of picking out findings that the study may (or may not) suggest in order to make a story. Often times they may even make interpretations from the data that the researcher did not intend. This normally begins with an innocent comment that "a study out of Switzerland may suggest that the color green makes children happier" and quickly turns into "Do you decorate with enough green? Swiss scientists are now reporting that lack of exposure to the color green will result in childhood depression". Be wary of any conclusive statements made as a result of a study.

3. CORRELATION DOES NOT EQUAL CAUSATION. Please, everyone, repeat after me.

Correlation does not equal causation.
Correlation does not equal causation.
Correlation does not equal causation.

This is the most important thing I will say in this post. Correlation does not equal causation. If the number of working mothers and the number of tornado occurrences both increased in 2011, it does not mean that the increase of working mothers caused more tornadoes. Yes, I know this seems ridiculous, but this is the most prevalent statistical sin that I see repeated relentlessly in scientific journals and popular media. In many studies there is often a missing 3rd factor that is the cause that is unaccounted for. Look for confounds.


There are many many other issues I could address on this topic, but this is my attempt to combat the misinformation in the media, especially in the Internet. The citation of (faulty) data is one of the primary tools used in Mommy Wars. Have I mentioned how I hate Mommy Wars? Hate them. Here's hoping the knowledge of how to responsibly interpret research will lead to a reduction in this shameful practice.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Mother & Son

When I was preparing for Adam's birth, I found myself thinking more and more about Mary. Prior to my pregnancy, I had not really considered her with more than a passing interest. Because Adam was born during the Christmas season, my thoughts turned to this Holiest of Mothers. I began to retrace Mary's steps. I would think "this is about the time she would be beginning the trip to Bethlehem". When I would uncomfortably hoist myself in my car, I would think of Mary, riding a donkey on that long journey. When I checked into the hospital, I thought of Mary at the manger. When I saw my team of medical professionals ready to help Adam into the world, I thought of Mary delivering, alone, with nothing but her trust in God and the presence of the Holy Spirit. When I ran my hand over my belly and thought of the enormous responsibility of raising a son, I imagined Mary doing the same. Only she was raising God's Son. The Savior. When I held my son, I imagined her holding the Great King of Kings. But to her, He was not only a King. He was her baby. She swaddled Him as I swaddled Adam, she bathed Him as I bathe Adam, she kissed His head and His hands as I kiss Adam. Jesus slept against her breast as Adam sleeps against me. I suddenly felt a deep kinship with this woman. I was linked to her by the great force of Motherhood.

Now, as Good Friday approaches, I again find my thoughts turning to Mary, only now the thoughts are sorrowful. As I hold my son, I imagine Mary, a witness at the cross. When she saw His hands pierced with nails, did she picture instead the pink chubby hands that used to wrap themselves so tightly around her finger? When she saw the crown of thorns digging into His skull, did she picture instead the downy head she used to lay her cheek against late at night? When He called out in despair for His Father, did she remember His infant cries that called to her for comfort? How torturous it must have been to not be able to gather Him into her arms and soothe Him, just as she did when He was small. I cannot not imagine the immeasurable anguish she felt as she watched His crucifixion.

On Sunday I will remember the Great Joy, but for now, I will think about the time when the world was in darkness. I will hold my son more tightly because Mary couldn't hold her Son. I will mourn, and I'll remember Mary.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Birth Story

So, it occurs to me that I need to write my birth story. At first it didn't seem like something I should write. Because I had a c-section, and a scheduled one at that, I felt like I didn't really give birth. But, it is still the story of how Adam entered this world. It will probably take a while to organize my thoughts and figure out what to share and what is too personal to share. I would like to tell the story of how I went from planning a non-medicated birth to having a scheduled c-section and hope that it will help others facing similar circumstances. My birth story largely takes place prior to the actual birth beginning at 35 weeks of pregnancy when we were first faced with the possibility of a c-section. I'll probably share this over several posts. I hope that you will give me open-minds and understanding, as some of what I will be discussing is controversial in many circles. I do not propose the path we took is the path for everyone, but I'm going to explain why it was the best path for me and how I made peace with that. I look forward to sharing.

Wonderfulness

I'm cleaning up dinner (I just cooked a London Broil in a cast iron skillet, highly recommend it) and listening to my husband play patty cake with our son in the next room while he squeals with absolute joy and bliss (the son, not Ben, well, maybe a little Ben). Could there be a better sound in the world? No, I don't think so.

This is a pretty charmed life I lead.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Contest & Giveaway!!!

Oh my, I'm becoming one of those blogs who does giveaways! Wait, I hate those blogs. Except Pioneer Woman. Speaking of, I totally didn't win the Nikon D90 she gave away today, and I really actually thought I was going to.

I think motherhood has made my tendency for tangents much much worse. Back to the topic.

I'm having a contest because enough is enough. My mother NEEDS a grandmother name DESPERATELY. We have tried many on for size and nothing is working. We thought we would do the whole let Adam grow older & name her thing, but that doesn't work because I need to be able to refer to her as something to him now. You know, when I say, "Adam ____ is coming to see you today!!" So here is the deal, you come up with a grandmother name for her, and if she likes it and picks it I'll send you a $5 Starbucks gift card. $5 because that's all I can afford, but hey, you'll get a free latte.

Here's some background: Her name is Dana Mobley. We started out with DD & thought that was going to be it, but she changed her mind. The latest is Gran D but I don't think that's going to stick. The main issue is that my husband has always called her what he refers to as her "gansta" name, D-Mo (Dana MObley, like J-Lo) and that's what he's insisting she be called now. And we really don't want her to be D-Mo. But it looks like that will happen because that's how we refer to her because we have nothing else to call her!

Help! Only you can stop my mother from being called D-Mo!!

So information that may be helpful:

Full name: Dana Mobley, middle name Marie
Husband's grandfather name: Pop
Her mother's grandmother name: Grandmother
Her grandmothers' grandmother names: Grandmother (are you sensing a pattern?) & Granny Garmon
Adam's other grandmother: Lolly

If you need any other info to help you make your choice, let me know. I'll provide you with whatever you need.

Let the naming begin!




Advice

Wisdom today from Olivia Walton:

"Just remember, you're the child's mother, not the book."

Sage advice.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Don't Blink

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Are You Popped Collar Cool?


Sir Adam has managed to do several things this past week to send me into emotional turmoil.

1. He turned 3 months old on March 13, meaning he officially leaves behind his newborn months. The nerve.
2. He decided he needed to begin sleeping in his crib. Yes, HE decided, I did not. I would be perfectly happy with him in the bassinet next to my bed for oh, say, the rest of my life, but he was hitting the sides at night and waking himself up. I am a big fan of co-sleeping (sleeping within arms reach of one another) and planned to do it for at least the first 6 months, but Adam has other plans. So in his own room he goes. And he doesn't even have a real room, just a tiny former office with no windows. I finally made it back in our bed after spending the first couple of nights on the couch so I could be closer to him. Next baby I'm getting one of these.
3. He began to lose the little dark "baby mullet" hair patch he's had on the back of his head since birth. In fact, most of his dark hair is falling out and being replaced with little blonde fuzz.
4. He moved into 6-9 month clothes.
5. He started cutting his first tooth. Because boys normally cut teeth later, and because Ben did not cut his first tooth until 11 months, I naively assumed Adam would be very late. Teeth were not even on my radar screen. I haven't researched or read anything about teething. I am woefully unprepared. I have no idea how to handle this. One google search on the subject has me completely confused. I mean, does Sophie the Giraffe really have magic powers? It's things like this I need to know.

Every new moment is so wonderful, but I can't help but miss my little snuggly newborn. That is, until I remember being up with him every few hours during the night and then I think hey, maybe this growing up stuff isn't so bad after all!

But then again....




Please excuse me while my heart breaks.


Saturday, March 19, 2011

My Life

I love being a mom.

That's all for today.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Time to Get Goin'...Again

Peeps, I am so ready to be done with medical school and moving on to residency. Graduation is just 9 short weeks away (!!!) and then we will then be continuing our tour of the Southeastern United Sates and moving to Biloxi, Mississippi. This blog ain't called Goin' Places for nothin' people. So we will officially hit our fourth state before our 5 year wedding anniversary in June. For those keeping track that's Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama, and soon, Mississippi.



Wait, what? I didn't mention before we were moving to Biloxi? Or that Match Day for the military was two days after Adam was born? And that we were holding our 2 day old baby in the hospital at 8 a.m. while Ben frantically checked his Blackberry for his assignment from the Air Force and prayed we weren't getting sent to San Francisco across the country from our families? No? Oh.


Well, I mentioned I also graduated that week too right? Two days before Adam was born? No? *Sigh* Sorry, I've been busy. So it went something like this:


Saturday, December 11: Ang graduates with Masters in Communication Studies from the University of Alabama. After completing 71 pages worth of papers the week before. In bed. Barely able to move, having contractions, on crutches, with symphysis pubis dysfunction and a 10 pound baby in me. Thanks be to goodness for a supportive husband, understanding professors, the interwebs, and FedEx. It wasn't verified I actually graduated until January, long story, but anyway, I did, and I have the pretty diploma to prove it. Well, it's honestly not that pretty. It kind of looks like those Good Citizenship certificates you used to get in 1st grade. I mean, seriously Alabama??
Monday, December 13: I gave birth to a child. A real live honest to goodness human. Holy Moly.
Wednesday, December 15: Medical Match Day for the Military. We found out Ben matched Internal Medicine in Biloxi, MS, which was our first choice. Whew! Ben said he never would have thought matching for residency would be only the 2nd biggest thing to happen to him in a week. I mean, seriously.


Yes, it was stressful. Just for the record, it is possible to fit several life changing events in the time frame of a few days, but I wouldn't recommend it. Especially not when you're dealing with the postpartum crazies.


Okay, all caught up now?


So, we are here in Birmingham, where we never really put down roots, and are just grinding out our time. No friends, no family, blah blah blah.


I'm so ready to live here
And go to church here

And play here
But probably not here
But maybe here, quite famous for their spa services you know
And we will make friends! Glorious friends! I am a person who needs friends. Friendship has enriched my life in so many ways. Girlfriends, couple friends, the possibilities are endless. Dinner dates! Playgroup! Entertaining people at our home! Ahhh! I'm dizzy headed with anticipation.


And we're almost there.


Looks like we made it.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Giggles

The first time Adam laughed it was in his sleep. It was the sweetest cutest little giggle. I thought my heart would explode from happiness. He still gives me those little sleepy time giggles which I'm guessing result from dreams of kitty cat whiskers tickling his cheek. These days I can really get him going with my silliness...oh the things I will do to make that boy laugh...well...ridiculous. Over the last two days on three different occasions I've made him laugh & squeal so hard he's given himself the hiccups.

It's awesome.


Monday, March 7, 2011

Bulldog Baby

This baby looks like me most of the time, but this one is ALL BEN. He also happens to be sitting on Ben in this picture, which is basically his favorite place to be, on Ben on the couch. They are super crazy about each other, and I love it!
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Friday, March 4, 2011

Cuteness

Seriously...
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Coffee Date with the Boyfriend
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And that's what I've been up to. You?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Dusk

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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Between Asleep and Awake

It had been one of those particularly hard days. One where nothing in particular went wrong, but Adam required more attention than normal, never entertaining himself and sleeping only while I was holding him. Ben was gone 14 hours that day. When he came home he stayed awake only long enough to give Adam a bottle and put him down and then off to bed for another early morning. I remained awake, willing the child in the next room to sleep while debating whether to go to bed myself or stay up for much needed alone time. While putting laundry away I heard the familiar little wimpers turning into bigger cries calling to me for comfort. I walked into our bedroom and leaned over the bassinet meeting the eyes of my son, who immediately calmed at the sight of me. I replaced the pacifier and began to rock the bassinet back and forth, humming and shushing the tiny one, my shoulders slumped and eyes ached from exhaustion. I realized with a start that this particular picture, me lovingly gazing into a crib while tending to my baby, was one I had longingly painted in my mind's eye in those moments between asleep and awake in the months and years before Adam arrived. Suddenly the emotion of the moment overwhelmed me and I felt a crushing weight bearing down on my chest. My eyes traced the perfect features of the heavy-lidded face before me and a happiness so great it was frightening consumed me, coursing through my limbs and squeezing my heart. Panic as much as joy filled me. A sense of foreboding assured me that a happiness this great must be fleeting, and I was left wondering if I will ever be able to escape the suffocating fear that this beautiful dream will end in a moment. Would I ever be able to divorce the exaltation of motherhood from the accompanying angst? Adam's eyes closed and his rhythmic breathing assured me he had drifted to sleep. I closed my own eyes in silent prayer, searching for answers to unanswerable questions, praying for wisdom, for strength, and for peace.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Beginning

Our 1st night with Adam was filled with questions, second guessing, exhaustion, joy, and wonder. Is he hungry? Is he tired? Too warm? Too cold? Look he blinked! Look he sneezed! Here is a little snippet from 2:30 a.m. Adam was just 14 hours old.


Saturday, February 5, 2011

Firsts

I've been overwhelmed thinking about catching up on the last 8 weeks on this blog, which results in no updates. So, we're just going to start from today and I'll catch up on the beginning a little at a time. I've loved looking at the world through Adam's eyes these past few weeks. Everything is new, everything is a first. This week included:

-Mom & Adam's first road trip together. We drove to Gatlinburg last Saturday and back on Sunday so I could spend time with my med school girls before graduation and residency scatter us from one ocean to the other (literally). The five hour drive took seven both ways, but it was worth it. Highlights include several outfit changes, Adam soaked in sweat from the drive no matter how high I had the air conditioning, several bottles, diaper changes in parking lots, one bottle and snuggle outside a Cracker Barrel, hours of sleeping, hours of crying...sometimes screaming, hours of white noise on AM radio.

-First laugh!!!!!!!!

-Packing up 0-3 month clothes at 7 weeks old. We are officially in 3-6 month clothes. It was surprising how difficult that was, I was not prepared.

-Did I mention, FIRST LAUGH!!!!!!!

I want to write about more things, like how wonderful motherhood is. And how difficult. And how it's harder than expected, but so much better than expected. I want to talk about how it's possible to feel despair and joy in the same moment. I can't find words that seem adequate, so while I search for them please stay tuned...


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

And Suddenly, Life Changes

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Adam Benjamin
Born December 13, 2010 12:19 p.m.
9lbs 11oz 21 inches

I am finally settling into motherhood and emerging from my baby fog. More updates to come on our precious addition.