Thursday, July 29, 2010

Finding Out

On a Thursday in April, 3 weeks and 3 days into my cycle I was already experiencing some mild pregnancy symptoms and had been for a few days. During a late afternoon class waves of nausea overtook me while attempting to eat a yogurt. I spoke with my mom via Skype that evening and asked her if I would already have symptoms this early on. I assured her and Ben that I was not taking a pregnancy test until Sunday or Monday when I was actually four weeks. The next morning, a Friday, I awoke with the worst breast tenderness of my life. It was a gorgeous spring day. I didn't have class and Ben didn't have to go into the hospital. I thought..."what if?". I thought how nice it would be to find out on a day when we had the whole day together to soak in the news and no place to go.

So, without waking Ben, I headed to the bathroom and took the test. And there they were. Two lines. Now as someone who has taken MULTIPLE pregnancy tests (not because we've tried to get pregnant before but because I'm one of those people who's paranoid if I'm 5 min late) to see a pregnancy test turn positive was surreal. I just stared in disbelief. I was happy, but cautious. It was so very early. I knew I had to wake Ben and tell him.

Ben is the hardest person in the world to wake up. Even when you finally get him to obtain consciousness he normally can't process information for at least a half an hour. I had already decided when we began this process that I was not going to plan any special way to tell Ben I was pregnant. Ben is not an expressive person by nature, and I've matured enough in our relationship to know that if I constructed some elaborate plan and built up a big scene and expected a certain reaction I would be disappointed. So, I simply shook him awake and waited until I felt he was alert enough before I whispered, "Hey, I just got a positive pregnancy test". I still wasn't confident enough to say "I am pregnant". His response to this momentous news went as follows:

1. "Holy Crap."
2. "I knew you couldn't wait until Sunday to take the test."
3. "How much does your insurance cover?"

And that was the moment my husband became a father. For the next two hours while I glowed and thought of baby names, fat dimpled baby bodies, and crib bedding he preceded to worry about money, supporting a family, and most of all my health and the baby's health.

-"You're going to start walking, right? You need to stay active."
-"I just hope everything's okay."
-"There's so much that can happen."
-"I hope you don't get gestational diabetes."
-"You need to call the insurance company."
-"I get active duty pay for a couple of months coming up, that will be good."

Now, in my younger, less experienced years I may have been offended by a husband didn't grab me up and begin waltzing me around the bedroom singing lullabies and sketching out plans for our child's tree house. But, after nine and a half years together with four of those being married years, I've learned that is not the way Ben expresses love. What better response could I have hoped for from the father of my child than one of concern and responsibility for how he was going to adequately care for his family? I felt lucky and proud as I watched him begin to take on his fatherly role. The moment that 2nd line appeared he began worrying, and he won't stop for the rest of his life.

After a couple of hours he was able to relax a little and let the happiness and joy sink in, and we celebrated together. Even still, almost halfway through the pregnancy, he worries more often than not. But that's okay. For Ben, that's just fatherhood.



Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Party of Three

Last night Ben felt the baby move for the first time. We were lying in bed falling asleep and his hand was on my lower abdomen. I felt the baby begin moving under his hand which I quickly grabbed and pressed down into my belly. I didn't think he would be able to feel it, but he said felt a little quickening and fluttering (it doesn't feel like fluttering from my end for the record). I said "Honey, you feel it? That's our baby!" He just laughed and said "pretty cool". I was so glad he was finally in on our intimate moments. I was beginning to feel like he was being left out of our party of two, and was quite happy to make it a party of three. The baby kept moving right under his hand as he drifted off to sleep. I remained awake reveling in the feeling of the three of us layered together; his hand, my belly, then baby, all connected. I fell in love with the new entity the three of us made together. Our family. It was a beautiful moment.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Lullaby

Since the baby can now hear me, I've started singing songs especially for him or her. My only hope is that since the ability to hear is new to my little dumplin' he or she will not have an overly critical musical ear. In other words, I hope Baby isn't crouched in the corner of my womb with their hands to their ears yelling "Mommy stop!"

So when a southern girl goes looking for a lullaby, where does she turn? Well, Elvis, of course. My current favorite describes my feelings exactly for my sweet blessing.

Love me tender,
Love me sweet,
Never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
And I love you so.

Love me tender,
Love me true,
All my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin I love you,
And I always will.

POST EDIT: Reviewing my last 3 posts, I've certainly been in a lyrical mood this week, haven't I? Maybe I need to snap out of it.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Tennessee Homesick Blues

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Valleys thick with morning mist and tumbling mountain streams,

Mournful hemlocks towering haunt my every dream.

Hills that overwhelm the flesh and winds that cleanse the soul,

I long for my lost yesterdays and peaceful times of old.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Blessed Assurance

With the blissfully happy but also tumultuous and unsure events I have ahead of me this next year, I find myself humming a familiar hymn for comfort. I'm not sure if there is another form of music that can rival Gospel in its ability to communicate deep and eternal truths with such simplicity and beauty. I find myself turning to it more and more. These few lines give me peace and comfort, as well as the confidence to keep moving forward.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!   
O what a foretaste of glory divine!   
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,   
born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.    

This is my story, this is my song,   
praising my Savior all the day long;   
this is my story, this is my song,   
praising my Savior all the day long.  



Thursday, July 22, 2010

6:00 p.m.

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Barefoot and pregnant
in the kitchen, eating boiled peanuts Ben brought home and chatting about his day. Slicing tomatoes and boiling field peas with bacon for supper with Alan Jackson's gospel album playing in the background.

Gosh, I love being Southern. Do you think someone in Connecticut is doing the same thing right now?

What does 6:00 p.m. at your house look like?

Boy or Girl?

I normally don't get into the guess if it's a boy or girl game. Let's face it, no one really knows and we all have a 50/50 shot of getting it right. However, many people seem to have a very strong opinion one way or the other about the sex of this little one so I thought it would be fun to put up a poll. Will Baby Goins be a boy or girl? Vote on the poll to the right. You can vote until August 2nd, the day we find out the sex!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Pregnancy Foods

The can't get enough of food list:
1. Lemonade
2. Peaches/Nectarines
3. SKITTLES! (which I never liked before)
4. Lemonade
5. Cantaloupe
6. Avocado
7. Lemonade
8. Shrimp
9. Jelly Bellies
10. Colby Jack Cheese
11. Lemonade
12. Steak


The please don't get this food anywhere near me list:
1. Hamburgers (good in the beginning, but threw them up one to many times)
2. Loaf bread-blach!
3. Any type of cracker, gross gross gross
4. Mexican food (the food I could formerly eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, so sad)
5. Anything spicy
6. Dill Pickles
7. My husband after he's eaten dill pickles. Or garlic. Or anything with strong flavors.

Just typing that list is about to send me to the bathroom. Especially the hamburgers. Ohhh.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

18 Weeks

Comparing this to my 15 week picture, I definitely think my tummy growth has slowed down a bit. I may have rounded out just a bit more, but my size hasn't increased dramatically. Whew. Hopefully it was just an early growth spurt, and not the world's biggest baby (or babies). I do have other maternity clothes by the way, I just try to keep the outfit the same for these pictures for consistency since I look different in different clothes.

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Meanwhile, I'm definitely feeling Baby Goins moving around and have for about a week now. The movement can best be described as popcorn popping. Or tap dancing upside down on the top of my uterus. However you describe it, it's wonderful. Since no one else can feel them, those are just personal, intimate moments between baby and me. Our own private club, and no one else is invited. Not quite yet anyway.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Motion

Flip. Thump. Flip. Flip.

Well, hello there little one.

What a glorious feeling.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Your Weekly Dose of Cuteness

For your Sunday enjoyment, here is Ella dancing on the beach at Callaway Gardens on July 4th.
Adorable, I know. Of course, I am the aunt, so maybe I'm biased.
On second thought, no, I don't think so, she's just really that cute.

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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Baby Questions Part One

As a new mother I am naturally obsessing about every detail leading up to Baby Goins' arrival. I'm sure like most other things in life, I'll learn that most of those details I'm concerning myself with don't really matter. Even so, when trying to make decisions I'd like to ask your opinions on some baby topics from time to time. Here we go, round 1! Please leave me a comment weighing in on any of the below you might have some knowledge of or experience with, whether you have children or not. I welcome any advice!

1. Dr. Brown's bottles v. Born Free bottles
2. Parenting book recommendations, through toddler years
3. Birthing book recommendations
4. Attachment Parenting v. Baby Wise v. Happiest Baby on the Block
5. Lamaze v. Bradley Method

Monday, July 12, 2010

Not What I Expected

I have not done a good job of chronicling my pregnancy experience. I think one of the reasons I've been hesitant is because, well, much of it has not been pleasant. And I've always thought the very worst thing a woman can do is complain about being pregnant. Shouldn't I just be thankful to be pregnant at all and embrace all of the symptoms that come along with it? When people asked me how I was feeling, especially at the beginning, it was difficult to come up with an answer. First of all, I do not like to lie. I didn't want to paint some perfect picture of a blissful pregnancy when I could not move without throwing up. So, I worked to report the facts without appearing like I was complaining about them. "Well, I'm sick, but happy and grateful!" became my stock response. It was like I was scared if I didn't qualify my statement God would punish me for my ungratefulness and take the baby away. I knew if something happened I would wish I was throwing up all day again. Not to the mention the fact that after being told for the past five years by doctors I would most likely struggle with fertility issues, I became pregnant our first month trying. What right did a person like me have to complain about vomiting?

Then, I reread this post in the archives of Courtney Kendrick on her blog cjane enjoy it. For those of you not familiar with her, she is nienie's sister (you know nienie, right?) and began her blog when she had been struggling with infertility (she just had her second child :). When she finally became pregnant after five years of trying, she was very ill. This post exactly described how I feel, and made me feel better about myself that I feel less than great at times. I highly recommend you give it a read.

So, I'm going to be writing little posts about the first half of my pregnancy to make sure I remember everything I want to. Some will be icky, all will be happy, and all will be very edited down for public readership. You may not want to read them, because honestly you may not really care...not that I blame you. These entries will be mostly for me. I tried keeping a separate pregnancy journal, but the blog is the easiest place for me to keep track of my memories.

But, I want everyone to know that if I talk about sickness or fatigue or whatever, more than anything I agree with Courtney's statement when someone asked if she liked being pregnant:


"No, I don't like being pregnant." I finally answered her. And then, somehow I followed that up with,

"But I'll do it as many times as I can."

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Quote of the Weekend

Ben: When I'm with you all day you drive me crazy, but then when I'm not with you all day I miss you. What's that about?

Me: That's called marriage.