Finding Out

On a Thursday in April, 3 weeks and 3 days into my cycle I was already experiencing some mild pregnancy symptoms and had been for a few days. During a late afternoon class waves of nausea overtook me while attempting to eat a yogurt. I spoke with my mom via Skype that evening and asked her if I would already have symptoms this early on. I assured her and Ben that I was not taking a pregnancy test until Sunday or Monday when I was actually four weeks. The next morning, a Friday, I awoke with the worst breast tenderness of my life. It was a gorgeous spring day. I didn't have class and Ben didn't have to go into the hospital. I thought..."what if?". I thought how nice it would be to find out on a day when we had the whole day together to soak in the news and no place to go.

So, without waking Ben, I headed to the bathroom and took the test. And there they were. Two lines. Now as someone who has taken MULTIPLE pregnancy tests (not because we've tried to get pregnant before but because I'm one of those people who's paranoid if I'm 5 min late) to see a pregnancy test turn positive was surreal. I just stared in disbelief. I was happy, but cautious. It was so very early. I knew I had to wake Ben and tell him.

Ben is the hardest person in the world to wake up. Even when you finally get him to obtain consciousness he normally can't process information for at least a half an hour. I had already decided when we began this process that I was not going to plan any special way to tell Ben I was pregnant. Ben is not an expressive person by nature, and I've matured enough in our relationship to know that if I constructed some elaborate plan and built up a big scene and expected a certain reaction I would be disappointed. So, I simply shook him awake and waited until I felt he was alert enough before I whispered, "Hey, I just got a positive pregnancy test". I still wasn't confident enough to say "I am pregnant". His response to this momentous news went as follows:

1. "Holy Crap."

2. "I knew you couldn't wait until Sunday to take the test."

3. "How much does your insurance cover?"

And that was the moment my husband became a father. For the next two hours while I glowed and thought of baby names, fat dimpled baby bodies, and crib bedding he preceded to worry about money, supporting a family, and most of all my health and the baby's health.

-"You're going to start walking, right? You need to stay active."

-"I just hope everything's okay."

-"There's so much that can happen."

-"I hope you don't get gestational diabetes."

-"You need to call the insurance company."

-"I get active duty pay for a couple of months coming up, that will be good."

Now, in my younger, less experienced years I may have been offended by a husband didn't grab me up and begin waltzing me around the bedroom singing lullabies and sketching out plans for our child's tree house. But, after nine and a half years together with four of those being married years, I've learned that is not the way Ben expresses love. What better response could I have hoped for from the father of my child than one of concern and responsibility for how he was going to adequately care for his family? I felt lucky and proud as I watched him begin to take on his fatherly role. The moment that 2nd line appeared he began worrying, and he won't stop for the rest of his life.

After a couple of hours he was able to relax a little and let the happiness and joy sink in, and we celebrated together. Even still, almost halfway through the pregnancy, he worries more often than not. But that's okay. For Ben, that's just fatherhood.